you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
