need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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