Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
