I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
