apparently the secret to your success is patron
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
