if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
