well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
