She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
try to milk me bitch
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
