I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
