Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
