I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
