Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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