i permit you to call me
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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