TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
