Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
