I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You've changed since you got that strap on
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
