Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize