my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
