May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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