I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
