You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize