good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
