Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
