Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
