The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
