Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
