walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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