your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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