He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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