Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I AM VODKA MAN
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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