I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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