My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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