So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
