Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize