one word: firstdatebathroomanal
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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