Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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