well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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