Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
