I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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