Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize
