video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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