You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
