He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize