he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
