Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
