I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
