you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
