fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
