Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
even my farts smell like vagina
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
