We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
