The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Two words: blizzard sex
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
