So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
