My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
