theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize