IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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