we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
