Got a toothbrush?
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
