Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
