I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
