apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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