Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
