the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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