i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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