woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
