I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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