as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize