Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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