I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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