she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
