Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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