im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
