my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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