at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
