fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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