The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
