My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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