she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize